Photo Courtesy: cuteqts
notes from a suppressed princess following her heart
You might be my prince,
but that’s not what I want.
I want the diamond in the rough,
not the man dripping in diamonds.
Because truthfully,
he’s not half the man as you.
…
Too bad youu cant see whats in front of you.
Too bad I let my fears get in the way of my desires.
Too bad that I’m not that girl,
the girl you want,
the girl the public loves.
Sorry I’m not perfect
like you and her,
both individually and together.
…
I know what i bring to the table
I could have done what she did,
but I knew I wouldnt respect myself if I did.
I bring class to the table,
because I have both talent, and dignity,
and i look just as good in a red dress as you do.
okay 3 things….maybe 4
1. sorry for the long title
2. this is a rant about what else? a guy that im mad at for the time being
3. this is a combination of 3 different stories the clues to those stories are italicized and ones a show, ones a show about a broadway show, and ones a broadway show (not in that order:D)
4. if you know what i am reffering to in each of the things (passages? entries? rants? tirades? etc.) know you are loved …unless you are the person this was directed at and if so you are loved and because of that you are hated.
maybe, just maybe i could be like marilyn monroe. maybe, i could be pretty, beautiful even. maybe i just might have enough talent to make it in show business. maybe i dont need to be as skinny as a 10 year old to be accepted. maybe ill be able to leave norma jeane mortenson behind and become marilyn monroe:the girl who took the country by storm and redefined beauty for generations.
migranes
sooo.. i had a migrane when i came home from school today but i had a dentist appointment so i went to the dentist and by the time i got home it was 4:30 so i decided ill take a half hour nap to try and get rid of this migrane, wake up at 5 do my homework and then go to a key club event at 6:15. so i asked my dad to wake me up at five and i went to sleep. the next thing i know my mom comes in full-on screaming at me its 6:00 we have to leave why are you sleeping!? and when i told her i asked my dad to wake me up she went outside, flipped out on him, came back inside (realizing he didnt wake me up) and started yelling at me again saying that it was my fault for going to sleep, and that it was “tought shit” that i had a migrane. this is coming for someone who comes home 4 days out of the week, tells everyone in my house to stfu and leave her alone while she sleeps for 2 hours or more, then shell wake up make my dad dinner and go back to bed until 7ish the next day. then she feels the need to come BACK into my room and say “you know that now you gave up a chance to hang out with your friends” i didnt give up a chance to hang out with my friends! this isnt like were going to the godamn movies! shes always telling me how she was the president of her key club and how i should get more involved with key club and how i need those 50 service hours and that she didnt pay the dues for nothing yet shes not letting me do any key club events!
My twirl routine:) i choreographed it last night and i was ina school hallway trying not to hit my friend erika who was taping me so its really rough… the song is a cut version of national passtime from the new show smash :) im obsessed but yeah here it is
0 plays
this is the cut version of national pastime that im using for my solo:)
i dont have a skeleton in my closet, i have a purple bird puppet. ever since i was little puppets have scared me. this bbird one was different. i hated it. it had a squeaker and it was just weird. my dad tried to play with me and he stared playing with the bird and i would start to cry. this picture was taken 6 months ago, when i moved. i was left in a completely empty house with a camera, so i went around and took pictures of everything, screws in the wall, lightbulbs, the fireplace, outlets, bowls of candy, flowers the stove, everything. my sister brought the puppet from my grandma’s house and put it in my room because she knew it scared me, so i hid it in my closet. i know its stupid to be a teenager and be scared of a toy but its like a nightmare, it always stays with you, or atleast it always stays with me. but im not scared of it anymore . i dont even know where it is. i dont know when i started not to become scared of it, but i guess thats how alot of things work, right? they slowly fade away until one day you’re reminded of their existance and realize there is no existance anymore, its gone. i really dont know where this is going anymore. i started with one point and ended with a different one …but i think it helped me so “big picture” focused mission accomplished … sorry if none of this made sense… not that anyone read it. whatever.
god help the psychic
god help the psychic that crosses my path. hell have a headache from listening to mine.
thought caused by “what women want”(a movie about a ladies man that obtains the ability to read womens’ minds and then falls in love)
untitled 3
so i really wanted to post when i was upset and then i thought better of it. i knew that id end up saying things i didnt mean … rawr.
so 1 musical number from a disney movie, two romantic comedies, a bag and a half of popcorn, and fifty pages of “dear blank please blanks” later, i finally started to feel better.
then my mom decided she and i were going to “talk”
“you can do anything you want to! your dad and i would give you anything you wanted or needed to do what you want! youve been given everything”
truth is, i cant do anything i want to. i dont care how many kindergarten teachers say it, it’s bullshit. i put my heart into certain dreams and aspirations and when they dont work out i get hurt. i feel vulnerable. i lose hope. i get angry at myself. and i decide next time im not going to be as stupid. i do things just good enough, until something comes along that i want so much it hurts. and when i dont get it a little part of me dies, i can feel it. or i cant i guess, i lose the want to want thigs because im too scared to. and no one understands. no one cares to ask.
no one has ever come up to me and asked “what you thinking?” niether one of my parents have ever REALLY asked me “why” ive done something and listened for an answer. and whenever i try to tell them no one listens. people hear and people listen, no one ever hears and listen.
some people hear that im talking but dont listen to what im saying. others listen to my problems but after, when they ask if im okay, they dont hear the lying desparation in my “yeah, im fine”.
ya know that quote “shoot for the stars if you dont make it at least youll land on the moon”? its something like that. it showed up atleast twice maybe three time in the senior quotes from my yearbook last year, we only had 70-something seniors. well that quote doesnt apply to me if i shoot for the stars i will either a) be burned by the star’s firey wrath or b) be sucked into the moon’s orbit revolving around a center of pain, looking at what i wanted, watching my dreams mock me, never to dream again.
down with dreaming because thats where it brings me. hmph. i think i have a new song. oh and if you cant tell i didnt get that part i really wanted.
post (as in after) untitled 2
sorry that really helped me though
i guess thats what ill do from now on
answer my own questions
really?! / untitled 2
why is it whenever i decide that “hmm maybe i could like you?” the next bleepin day you go out and get a girlfriend?! i feel really safe with you and i know i shouldnt because you tease me but maybe thats why i feel safe? i dont know but whatever the reason is its probably the same reason she likes you. oh and ps. seriously?! right when i start to like a guy you swoop in and take him into your perfect little world… why does he always fall for the perfect girls? the just enough problems, the quiet and kindhearted, always pretty, straight a’s and sweetness? why arent i one of them? why do i continue to constantly ask these questions about myself when i know im not going to be happy with any of the answers i get?
alright…so self therapy here…
because im living in a giant game of sims and some wierdo in his moms basement wants to see how much i can take in one day before i snap
i guess i feel safe because i know youre my friend and i know if i ever seriously need you youre there for me …ie today …or yesterday i guess
because perfect girls are the girls perfect guys fall for theyre the perfect match. perfect guys dont go for loud violent damaged girls like me.
i have too many problems i dont know how to deal with, loud because im tired of being ignored by my parents, i get really jealous and bitchy, im not pretty, im a failure in everythingi do and im violent.
because youre a headstrong cynical bitch that cant get out of her twisted mind to try and change for the better
because youre overcritical and you overthink things and you have low self esteem
The way the Tower fell was scary as anything. Look, it didn’t just break off, it crashed down as if it was a domino effect, floor by floor. There were people in that building. Take a moment out of your day and reblog this for the people who saved lives that day and for the poor souls who didn’t make it.
